i'm coming up only to hold you under

I guess I haven't actually fully allowed myself to digest the news about the shooting at NIU this past week. I've stored it in my brain, spoken about it quite a bit with my mom, and talked about it with my friends--however, I haven't fully allowed myself to realize what this means.
This means that we are not safe. If my friends--some of the dearest of peoples to me--were in danger of something like this happening to them then what has this world come to. I think we all dismiss the shootings that happen further away from us (not that we should), but it just doesn't seem real unless it happens close by && closer to our hearts. I didn't hear about the shooting until 5:00 PM that evening because I was in class all day and away from my computer (ie my only news source). Actually, I didn't even know anything was out of the ordinary until I logged onto Facebook to see so many NIU references in status updates. It was horrifying when I typed in NIU on Google to find out about a shooting that had taken place. I called my mom immediately.
It is absolutely heartbreaking to me to find out about shootings like this taking place so frequently that we have become desensitized to it all. The mere fact that someone would think that this could be the only way to express themselves fully or to gain the immediate attention of the nation is agonizing to me. And who else--who will be next--to unleash their rage, sorrow, hurt, etc. to our public eye? Why must it be unleashed like this? In such a violent and cruel manner?
I guess the media is looking for something or someone to blame once again. In this case, blaming violent movies or video games seems almost irrational when the shooter was 27 years old (although video games are still extremely common among this age). Instead we blame his mental deficiences and the release of his erratic behavior because he was off of his medicine. We look for a reason that this could be his only answer. In reality, will we ever find the answer to his violence? And why the campus in Dekalb? He was a grad student right here at the University of Illinois. Why not here?
I guess I haven't tried to think about it because I haven't wanted to know what was going through his mind or why he chose the time and place that he did. Why does unnecessary violence have to take place in our institutions of learning? A place where everyone should feel safe, encouraged, and understood. Why are school shootings becoming more frequent? And why is this an understood form of self-expression? Why is the cry for help unveiling itself in this form?