crimson&&clover

well, i've survived my first week as a junior in college. let's hope i can survive the next 9 months. the beginning of the year has been filled with much stress and many headaches, but during this third year, i'm learning to let them roll off my shoulder so to speak.

the summer has given me a new perspective on life. perhaps it was the friends i have at home in poplar grove and their never ceasing optimism, or maybe all the reflection i had the opportunity to take part in. regardless, i have learned to take these headaches one day at a time. what happened has happened and it's part of life to deal with them the best i can. i think that may be the reason for my contentment with life right now. you find a way to make something work and you roll with it.

but onto other subjects. it feels slightly strange being back this year. perhaps its the fact that the campus has become so familiar, or perhaps it is that i feel a new sense of motivation seeping into my veins. i want to do more, i want to be more involved. maybe i have just begun to realize that i'm not ready for my college career to end and i'm making my attempt to embrace it--probably making amends for being slightly lazy the last two years. i realize i cannot change it, so instead i'm jumping headlong into anything and everything. i've played sand volleyball already this semester and i forgot (how could i forget?!) how much i love it and how much i love being active, i have become even more involved with the green observer (secretary on top of fundraising and writing--hurray!), i'm making progress on the job search, and i am becoming involved with the feminist majority down here in champaign. i plan on volunteering more and studying more. and i'm attempting to get a writing position at buzz magazine. so far, my goals for this year have been quite satisfying.

overall, life is going well for me. granted, there are those who find it necessary to point out my shortcomings which makes me disappointed. i'm not looking for belittlement of the goals i have set for myself this year and i am aiming to rid myself of those that make me feel bad about myself and my intentions. this summer has been a wonderful realization that i have the power to weed out those that make me feel bad about myself or make me uncomfortable. i have the right to deny friendship and i have the right to accept it. and i am finally learning to exercise that power. it feels magnificent. i think what i do is important and i am only looking for those that will support me in what i am passionate about.

that said. i suppose i should be doing some homework.

sweeter dreams.
k