lately i've been convincing myself that i have a variety of illnesses. i don't know why i've become such a hypochondriac, but it happened. i am convinced i have mono because i've been excessively tired lately, i believed i was having chest pains last night and this afternoon while i was walking home i convinced myself that my breath was becoming shorter. i stopped a few seconds and waited for the onset of a heart attack. luckily, it never came. but i also obsessively touched the bump on the back of my neck (could it be cancer?! is the pressure in my neck from it?) and have been worrying about the horrible outcome of my dentist appointment on thursday. i know, a variety of ills. why am i being so irrational?
i guess i've just been feeling like there's a close end for me. or maybe, i just recognize the immediacy with which death can take hold of a person. morbid, i KNOW! i can't help it! i am extra cautious when crossing the street and carefully take each step down the stairs of greg hall && my apartment(i am desperately afraid of falling down them head first).
so my thoughts have been upon the attempt at keeping myself from danger and on all the work and responsiblity that is building up in these weeks. i'm feeling overwhelmed and down...a major change from how i had been feeling the beginning of this semester. maybe it's a phase...
i have several papers, outlines, long/tiring readings due this week and next and they're getting the better of me. plus, i may begin working at cvs this week...just another responsibility...and giving in to the boredom and exploitation of corporate monotony. ew.
i suppose i should finish the readings that are due for tomorrow and lay my weary head down to the pillow. i already know how difficult it's going to be when the sun rises tomorrow. ugggggh.
sweeter dreams.
k
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