follow your bliss

well. i finally went out and bought a phone charger on thursday because my friend is unreliable. you live, you learn.

i also went to the grocery store and that along with the absolutely thrilling sunshine made me really happy.

not to mention the fact that having a phone once again is like christmas x 100. i had been thinking about how stressed out i was because i wasn't able to talk to my mom for like 2 weeks. i didn't realize that it stressed her out as well. i didn't realize that our conversations were just as imperative to her life and her day as they were to mine. it's funny that i didn't realize it, b/c i've been striving to pay more attention to the ways that my actions and my words have impact on others. it's a very hard realization to understand the ways that your language, your speech, and your actions have the potential to help, harm, or offend someone else.

anyway, my mom and i talked extensively on thursday. they had had some bad news regarding a car accident that my father was involved in last april. it was a terrible accident and he was really battered in it. it wasn't his fault, a lady ran a stop sign going much too fast. the fact of the matter is that we ended up having to pay for all the medical bills--which could have bought someone a new house, a new car, and pretty much anything they might desire. i don't want to talk about this here, but they have both been pretty down about the outcome. and my mom told me about how much it was bothering her and how much she needed to talk to me about it.

and i wish i was there when they were choosing the lawyer, i wish i could have done something or demanded something different. i wish they didn't have to deal with this. i know we have to move on from it and accept that bad things do happen to good people. but, it's hard. it's really hard to be accepting of something like that. and they are truly doing their best.

the reason i mention this is because my mom was put in the hospital on thursday morning because she had been having heart pains the night before and into the morning. they kept her overnight and they believe she is doing fine now. it makes me scared because i'm taking a course on women's health and we were just discussing the fact that many women's heart attacks are undiagnosed because the pain is not as severe as in men. well, my mom's family has had a history with heart attacks--one brother died suddenly at 47 and her other brother recently had a heart attack.

sometimes appreciating life and the ones you love so much is very difficult because it makes you afraid of what could happen. and it makes you want to enjoy every second as much as possible.