I am beginning to feel that numb feeling lately. I think it's boredom. Funny that I should be bored when I am working on my thesis all hours of the day and wondering how I will have the energy to decide what is next when that time comes. Lost. Maybe that is the feel. I'm not sure. I won't try to label it.
Today, I noticed a flock of birds. I noticed that their wing patterns were all aligned and they made this most beautifully synchronized movement. It was breath taking. And I could not help but think about how birds rely upon the wind to direct and guide them when they are flying. And I thought about how I need to apply that to my own life. I need to apply the ease and sensitivity that birds have toward the wind. I want to be flexible and easy going. I want to always be able to listen to the guidance of my life and to allow myself to carry on through that. I'm not sure, just some thoughts I had while driving back to this fair [ha!] city.
I am also wondering if I really would like to venture to New Orleans upon graduation. I really feel that the city is my kindred spirit. Where else can I feel completely at ease with being a grungy little punk? Where else is that as acceptable--at least where else that I have traveled. Maybe it's the wonderful feelings and the beautiful trip that I took back in December. Maybe it was the perfect time in my life to take that trip. But then again, maybe I could recreate the fabulous feelings by establishing myself there for a few years. I am in awe of the city. I'm not sure what it is that captivated me so. I just feel that some places--when you go to them--they understand you.
Whatever I do and wherever I go in life, I hope that I am always able to forgive the people I have been hurt by. I hope that I am always able to be myself. I hope that I will always be able to do what is best for myself. And I hope that I will always be able to rebel in my own little ways. My heavy heart tends to sink when I think of all the injustice and hurt and sadness in the world. I try to remember how lucky I am to exist as I do. I hope that when you think of your life and your surroundings, that you are lucky enough to see how privileged you are as well.
The struggle continues.
sweeter dreams.
k
Today, I noticed a flock of birds. I noticed that their wing patterns were all aligned and they made this most beautifully synchronized movement. It was breath taking. And I could not help but think about how birds rely upon the wind to direct and guide them when they are flying. And I thought about how I need to apply that to my own life. I need to apply the ease and sensitivity that birds have toward the wind. I want to be flexible and easy going. I want to always be able to listen to the guidance of my life and to allow myself to carry on through that. I'm not sure, just some thoughts I had while driving back to this fair [ha!] city.
I am also wondering if I really would like to venture to New Orleans upon graduation. I really feel that the city is my kindred spirit. Where else can I feel completely at ease with being a grungy little punk? Where else is that as acceptable--at least where else that I have traveled. Maybe it's the wonderful feelings and the beautiful trip that I took back in December. Maybe it was the perfect time in my life to take that trip. But then again, maybe I could recreate the fabulous feelings by establishing myself there for a few years. I am in awe of the city. I'm not sure what it is that captivated me so. I just feel that some places--when you go to them--they understand you.
Whatever I do and wherever I go in life, I hope that I am always able to forgive the people I have been hurt by. I hope that I am always able to be myself. I hope that I will always be able to do what is best for myself. And I hope that I will always be able to rebel in my own little ways. My heavy heart tends to sink when I think of all the injustice and hurt and sadness in the world. I try to remember how lucky I am to exist as I do. I hope that when you think of your life and your surroundings, that you are lucky enough to see how privileged you are as well.
The struggle continues.
sweeter dreams.
k
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