my sociology of education course always has me thinking about social situations and interactions. today, i was focused primarily on the reasons people act the way they do. i always wish that everyone had what c. wright mills coined 'the sociological imagination.' his idea was that people needed to look at social interactions in relation to the larger societal and structural problems within society.
for example, we may be quick to judge a man that abuses his wife. we may blame it on personal characteristics that are inherent to his particular race, class, or to his personality traits of tendency toward violence or aggression--but the problem with this is that we are failing to look at the larger picture. we fail to see the constraints he is working within. perhaps, he is taking these feelings of failed masculinity or failure to be a provider for his family and reasserting his power through the abuse of his wife. in this instance, in looking solely at his actions as a reflection of him or his personal 'being' we are failing to see that the ideologies in our society have contributed (probably not created entirely of course) to his need to feel a certain way about himself and his role within society.
society demands that men have a stable income, provide for their families, display traditional 'masculine' characteristics of toughness or strength. when men do not live up to these very idealized notions of what it is to be a man there becomes a problem.
i'm not apologizing for his behavior in any way and i am certainly not condoning this sort of violence. the point i am trying to get at is that our social relationships would be so much more productive and fulfilling if we could understand the struggles others are going through. if only we could recognize these sites as problematic. if only we could recognize the values society holds dear and how absurd they can be. if only...
that being said,on a more personal level, i am fairly disappointed this week because i was not accepted into any of the graduate programs of study at the universities i'd had a preference for. rather than be entirely disappointed though, i am infinitely grateful that i was accepted at two universities. and i am proud to be attending any graduate program at all. this could be a stepping stone to another more prominent university should i decide to continue on for a doctorate degree [which is the plan at this very moment]. i am convinced that the path i will be taking is the one i am meant to be on. i am convinced that the steps i will be taking in the coming years will be ones of great benefit. i strive to remain endlessly positive about my future endeavors and i am ever so lucky to be continuing my education.
sweeter dreams.
k
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7 comments:
Maybe the wife was just a honding bitch?
Complete Stranger here.
Oh my gosh what a bunch of spammers you have! You need to at least activate the security thing that requires a poster to enter a random set of letters before publishing a post. That will reduce the about of spam.
I wanted to comment on your idea of understanding the abuser. Yes - there is that side of things, but going about understanding why abusers offend does not stop the abuse.
I was an abuser many years ago. I did it primarily through ignorance of how a real man is supposed to act. The one thing that would have prevented me from hurting others the most would have been some EDUCATION early in life on how to be a man, how to be a husband, and how to be a dad, and that certain behavior is ILLEGAL.
Instead, all I knew was how to be a bully. Pathetic. It took me 3 years in group therapy to learn what a jerk I was, what a jerk my father was, and then I had to figure out how to stop being a jerk. Still struggle with it sometimes.
Good luck on your education and career.
Please translate "about" to "amount."
(stupid keyboard!)
thanks for the spam advice, i wasn't aware of it since it has just begun to happen.
i agree with you that just because you understand the abuser does not mean they will stop...what i was trying to get at in my post is this:
you say that education is the key...i agree with that. but i also think there are larger societal issues here. what is society's ideal of the man, husband or dad that every man might not be able to live up to? What pressures or responsibilities are associated with these and what happens when someone does not have the ability to meet these requirements for the 'good' dad, husband, man?
i'm not saying everyone abuses b/c of the requirements they might not be able to meet. i'm not saying that it is okay for abuse to continue or that we should not try to prevent this from happening.
what i want is for us to take a look at what we consider to be the norms in society and how everyone might not fit into them. and i want us to teach our children the right way to live (being a good man, husband, or dad), but i don't want them to think that just b/c we have these particular ideas about what a real man should do and might not be able to that they are automatically failures.because this can lead to a renegotiation or a reassertion of power that might include abuse (or other harmful actions).
thank you for commenting! i really appreciate it.
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