the only problem with being at home is the way it sucks you back into itself. first, it isolates you. then, it overwhelms you with the feelings of past times. no new memories are being created when you're isolated [and all your friends are not around] and so it becomes necessary to acknowledge the old sights and sounds and feelings. and that can be hard. especially when you've just begun to make peace with them [even if that might change when reuniting]. it's harder b/c my best friends are not readily available. they are in the city and with their own little families dealing with entirely different sets of problems. it's a very difficult period of transition in my life right now. but, regardless, i am determined to be flexible. as i've said before, i believe there is ability for adaptation to any situation we are presented with. and so, day to day i strive to be flexible.
i also feel the overwhelming pressure to participate in the capitalistic culture of buying and spending and 'normal' societal life. i find it increasingly hard after developing my own little system of living and the attempt to live frugally or at least consciously. it becomes hard when my parents don't share the exact same philosophy. it also becomes hard when i watch their habits and can see how unhealthy and damaging they can be. i don't like to be all high and mighty and claim that 'my way is the right way' but i also don't want to idly stand by and watch them [which is what i have been doing lately --silently cringing in my head].
i want simplicity in it's most basic form. i want few 'things.' i want few items residing in my life. i don't want a house. i am not looking for a husband. i do not want [the responsibility] of children at the present moment. i don't want to go shopping. i don't want to go out to eat. i don't want to drive my car. i don't want to have a job. i want to eat items as close to nature as possible. i don't want to feel the heavy burden of exploitation through my consumption practices.
the thing that is hardest living here is that everyone comments on how terrible things like the BP oil spill are, but they fail to see why these things are happening. this is a larger societal issue that must be tackled and i believe capitalism is the determining factor in all of these injustices. we're just placing the blame blindly.
it would be nice to have someone to spend time with b/c i have plenty of time to think about these things and their burden is becoming overwhelming. that is what home does to me. always, always.
sweeter dreams.
k
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3 comments:
Hhmm, thought-provoking post. I hear you, alright. Your sentence, "I don't want to feel the heavy burden of exploitation through my consumption practices" hit the nail right on the head for me. I hate the whole consumerism madness and belief that we are all entitled to have whatever we want whenever we want it without any real thought as to the ethical nature of it's production. It's overwhelming, for sure, especially when people just casually banter about world catastrophes without it ever occurring to them that the way in which the average person conducts their daily living directly contributes to the "problems" that are always the responsibility of "someone" else. No personal responsibility is acknowledged. But change starts with the individual. It's near on impossible to change another person's habits (and very hard to idly stand by and watch) but we can only take responsibility for ourselves and make the change that way. Keep up your simplistic approach, it's great. I relate totally to the concept and hope more people will adopt this less is so much more philosophy.
Read ur blog..u literally wrote what I have been feeling here away from home..its like u read my mind..awesome words...Loved this one...
I regularly visit your blog.
Keep on challenging!
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