lately, i've been anxious about everything. i have this ridiculously gut-wrenching feeling of not wanting to do something, but having to do it anyway. and i have been extremely frightened by thoughts of what is next. what comes next after this day? and this month? and this semester? and this year? and this decade? i don't know. i am frightened by what comes next and not just because i don't know. more likely because i am realizing the simplicity of my youth and the fact that it was not enjoyed to its full potential.
lately, the burden of living has been getting to me. i can feel the burden of life and the lives of my family members and friends right now and it takes away my appetite. it leaves only sadness.
i am frightened by all that i do not wish to do and all that makes my heart ache and break. i am frightened by everything that i know is coming that i cannot control--that i am powerless to change.
i am frightened by all that i know of the world now and all that i will subsequently find out.
i am terrified.
and i don't know how to take that fear and make it work for me in a way that will make me want to continue to live.
i can only hang my head for a moment. and then distract myself.
my heart is so heavy. i am trying so hard to make it light again.
sweeter dreams.
k
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3 comments:
Hi Kimberly,
Hang in there :) I know it's hard when you feel the way you do right now - God knows I do my fair share of worrying about anything and everything but sooner or later something inspiring will pop up that will make you view things in a different/perhaps more positive light. It's important to embrace these "down" feelings because they are as equally important and valid as the "highs" and teach us much about ourselves and our position in the greater scheme of things. Life really is one big old crazy rollercoaster ride!!!
I'm looking forward to the next update.
I wish there was such a thing as a perfect life. I totaly know where your coming from....but it slowly works out in the end (v)
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