i am situated in my warm, comfortable bed. i have a warm mug of tea. my kitty is beside me. and classical music (those beautiful, sorrow-filled and elegant notes!). it is the height of christmas season and each of these aspects of my present state fill me w. its presence. but as always, my joys are always tinged w. an undertone of sadness. that is just me. the winter tends to bring the sorrow to the surface in a way that other seasons seem to mask. it's the feeling of desperation that winter gives off. one cannot help but feel slightly melancholy.
i am grateful yet though. i passed my statistics class--by some sort of miracle i know. i am excessively grateful for the opportunity to continue on my path of higher education especially w. the group of people that are in it with me. they are phenomenal. seriously, our bond has become so incredibly strong. and what is funny is that that bond has been there from the very beginning. it's as though we've all known each other before this time and we have simply met up once more. it is incredible.
i am nervous for the coming semester. i am exceedingly worried that i will not be able to endure yet another semester. i will try though. that's all i can do.
winter tends to remind me of feelings that have come and gone. it reminds me of the past quite a bit. it slows me down and forces me to revisit the loves had and lost, the friends had and lost, the everything had and lost. it all seems to blend together to create one mound of betrayal--perhaps at times, this betrayal has been self-induced. yet, despite the ups and downs and despite my ever-present sadness over everything and nothing at the same time--despite everything, i am okay.
after all, i am alive.
the only problem is that i can never seem to get over the ache of winter.
sweeter dreams.
k
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment