when i was younger i think i could accept death a little bit more easily. see, i had this solid base of unquestioning faith. i thought i had it all figured out. heaven was this nice little party where we all meet up later. that base has slowly diminished with maturity, age, and the loss of my innocense and i no longer believe so solidy in this party in the sky. now i just don't know.
as i watched my best friend in so much pain and heartache today i wanted to know why this had to happen and i wanted to know why it happened to this boy. why him? why now? why someone that so many people loved? someone so genuine? someone who hadn't had a chance to fully live a life. i'm afraid i'm going to begin each morning with a panic now. what if someone i love is taken from me today? what if that's the news i have to wake up to?
you can't control the things that happen in your life. but i firmly believe that the time you spend here on earth can be used to benefit the lives of others. i think the time spent here can be beneficial when you touch the lives of your friends, family, and community. when you love with no boundaries and you live the life that you deserve.
most of all...it's the reminder that you cannot take anything in this life for granted. your family, friends, and love are all that really matter.
i wish his family strength and peace in their times of heartache. ricky's time here was short, but his love and the memories he provided will last in us until our own passing. he will be missed.
i am sad and aching.
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