where are you? and where am i?

i'm feeling so terrible over the following incident:

i was walking home from class today and speaking to my mom on the phone. this man was standing off to the right of the sidewalk and stopped as another girl and i were passing. he said, something about being homeless and [i'm pretty sure] having no gloves. i was concentrating on what my mom was saying and i just walked past him. i didn't even register what he had said until i was past him. and now i feel awful.

i feel like i've let him down. just when he wanted to see some good in someone he was let down. i'm feeling absolutely sick about it. i should have went back and given him my gloves.

aren't i always believing in this idea of solidarity? of strength through numbers, through the kindness of another soul? isn't that what is supposed to make the world a better place to exist within?

where was it then? why didn't i just give him my fucking gloves? i have another pair at home [two more actually].

i know what it's like to be ignored, not to be [really] heard, to feel embarrassed about your situation, and the courage it takes to ask for help. especially from stuipd, punk ass college kids--and that is what i have become. i am ashamed.

i've become so self-absorbed and thoughtless. i am so sad at myself for not helping that man.

his face is seared into my memory. that look of hopelessness. i think that's what i recognized in him and i am so sad that i ignored that in someone.

this world makes me so sad sometimes i can't bear it. and i disappoint myself so much sometimes.

sweeterdreams.
k