i am feeling a little bit discouraged today. you never want anything bad to happen to your family members. you never want the ones you love most to suffer. if this cold weather and incessantly blowing wind weren't enough to kick me when i am down, the news that they've found another lump in my aunt's nose has certainly been enough to. they removed a cancerous lump from her cheek right around christmas and she had proceeding radiation and chemotherapy. they don't know what this lump is yet, but clearly this news is still frightening and more than a little heartbreaking.
there are also complications with my little nephew jack and i'm equally worried about those. i want to be a part of that little boy's life so badly and i desperately hope i'll be able to.
i've given up drinking lately because i've been sick, but also because i've been really sad and i don't want to make it worse. i don't like getting too weepy because this blog is clearly visble to the masses, but i'm not having a very rewarding semester. i'm trying to take the bad with some good spirits but i'm finding it very difficult.
more than anything, i just feel that time here is so short and i think i should be doing what makes me happy. i want nothing more at this moment (and have been feeling this way) than to go home for awhile. but how much of that decision is just me wanting to run away from some hard times--like getting used to this semester and figuring out what i have left to accomplish before i'll be awarded my diploma.
i have intense feelings of desperation that won't seem to go away.
i think that's going to be all for today...and possibly the week. i've got to get my academic shit together.
sweeter dreams.
k
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