A Million Little Pieces

Just a few quotes from the book A Million Little Pieces by James Frey. I absolutely love this book.


**This is how it has always been with me. Give me something good, I'll destroy it. Love me, I'll destroy you. I have never felt deserving of anything in my life. I have never felt as if I were worth the diseased space I occupy. This feeling has inhabited everything I've ever done, seen or had anything to do with, and it has infected every relationship I have ever had with everyone I've ever known. I don't understand it. I d on't know why it's here. I hate it as I hate myself.

**Everything that I know and that I am and everything that I've done begins flashing in front of my eyes. My past, my present, my future. My friends, my enemies, my friends who became enemies. Where I've lived, where I've been, what I've seen, what I've done. What I've ruined and destroyed. I start to cry. Tears begin running down my face and quiet sobs escape me. I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know why I'm here and I don't know how things ever got this bad. I try to find answers but they aren't there. I'm too fucked up to have answers. I'm too fucked up for anything. The tears come harder and the sobs become louder and I curl up on the cold tile floor and I hug myself. I hug myself and I wail and it's morning and I'm somewhere in Minnesota and I ahven't had a drink in five days and I don't know what the fuck is happening to me.

**I am alone. Alone here and alone in the world. Alone in my heart and alone in my mind. Alone everywhere, all the time, for as long as I can remember. Alone with my family, alone in a room full of people. Alone when I wake, alone through each awful day, alone when I finally meet the blackness. I am alone in my horror. Alone in my horror.
I don't want to be alone. I fucking hate it. I hate that I have no one to talk to, I hate that I have no one to call, I hate that I have no one to hold my hand, hug me, tell me everything is going to be alright. I hate that I have no one to share my hopes and dreams with, I hate that I no longer have any hopes and dreams, I hate that I have no one to tell me to hold on, that I can find them again. I hate that when I scream, and I scream bloody murder, that I am screaming into emptiness. I hate that there is no one to hear my scream and that there is no one to help me learn how to stop screaming. I hate that what I have turned my loneliness lives in a pipe or a bottle. I hate that what I have turned my loneliness into is killing me, has already killed me or will kill me soon. I hate that I will die alone. I will die alone in my horror.
More than anything all I've ever wanted is to be close to someone. More than anything, all I have ever wanted is to feel as if I wasn't alone. I ahve tried many times to kill my loneliness witha girl or a woman, and it was never right. We would be together and be close to each other, but no matter how close we were, I still felt alone. They felt the loneliness and it made them want to get closer. Whent hey tried, I either ran or did something to destroy what we felt for each other. I can run fast when I want to run fast, and I've always been good at destroying things. Not one of them would be willing to speak to me today.



It's amazing how broken one human being can be. How much can one possibly take before they can't take anymore???

I wonder.