anything that's anything becomes nothing that's everything

i find myself wondering how other people regard their past mostly because i am so obsessed with mine. maybe obsessed isn't the right word...well then again maybe. i guess in times that i don't particularly enjoy how the present is going i refer back to the past and begin to overanalyze those times. i mean, do other people spend time thinking about situations or people from their past? is it really that important to them. i guess i analyze things from the past to better react to the situations in the future. or maybe i am just a hopeless lover of retrospect. i guess i just like the fact that all that has come before has added upon itself so that i am the person i have become today. all those experiences, those feelings, those memories, those little pieces of anything that mold together to form the being that is me in the present. it is simply fascinating to me. i can't help but be in complete and utter awe of it. and i guess i liked my past. i may not have been appreciative of it while it was happening (who, in reality, ever really is?), but now that it's over...i can stand back as a third party and understand how it was.

that said, i wonder about a lot of the people i've known. not so much the people i've been acquainted with, but the those that i knew on a more intimate level. those i shared some of my most personal memories with. those that helped me to grow and shaped me, yet again, into ME. it bothers me that i don't know them like i used to. well, a lot of them at least. and i wonder if it bothers them as well? and i wonder if other people are bothered by those that they no longer speak to or keep in constant contact with. and i wonder how it all gets lost. how do we let go of something if it meant so much to us at one time. are we just fooled by the moment? does anything ever really mean something? perhaps the situation calls for empty promises and feigned appreciation of the other. it just makes me wonder what the relationships--platonic and romantic--ever really meant in the first place. why? what the hell is with human interaction? why is it so necessary? some days, i feel as though i could live completely without it. but others i long for it.

i wonder what they're all doing now. i wonder if it's only me that wonders.

sweeter dreams
***K